Two years have passed, and I still have not invited him in…
He know’s my age, my name, my address, my car. He could tell you my eye color, how I have green eyes, with slightly darker flecks, how many freckles are on my face and could even tell you my favorite things in the bedroom… My bedroom.
But I still had not let him in. Not yet. I haven’t told him everything. He only knows so much about me. Keeping him at arm’s length, it’s tiring, I’ve been waiting for the right moment, to lay it all on the line…
Tonight, I’ve got on his favorite dress, its a purple, Marilyn style dress, and made mostly of Chantilly lace, hiding only the very important parts of me. A new pair of stilettos and fishnet stockings, the tasteful kind of course, as we are going for dinner first. With makeup on and hair curled. I am on my way out the door.
We meet at his favorite restaurant, “Min’s” It is a Korean, Italian fusion restaurant. Greeting with a soft kiss I whisper in his ear.
“Kyle, what do you know about me?”
“I know you guard yourself against me, You have yet to tell me about your family, or introduce me to your friends. But I also know, you are beautiful, smart, funny, moody, and very caring. I know you are worth waiting for.”
During Dinner we sit quietly, making small talk, A couple of glasses of wine are enjoyed. Walking hand in hand back to my place. I unlock my door.
” Welcome to my world of truth…” Kyle looks at me oddly… I sigh…
“Everybody wants to talk about me, and I am grateful that you have avoided and sidestepped all of the rumors. I don’t have many friends because no one really tries to understand or get to know me. I am pretty damaged. And that is all they choose to know.. BUt.. Kyle.. I don’t want to hide any part of me, from you, anymore.” Kyle stared at me open-mouthed. I had thrown him for a loop.
” Delilah… I … uh.. uh… ok… I am all ears.”
” You may hear and see things, you may not want to see… It’s still not that easy for me, to let you in…but my heart, is screaming for me to invite you inside.”
He sat there quietly and politely as I divulged my innermost thoughts, the depth of my sins, a few articles from or about my family. Family photos, and how every single one, contains drug paraphernalia, and visible bruises. I showed him the scars on both my heart and my body.
” Look at me, Kyle, Now do you see? Why I keep everything hidden underneath? Now, do you see me, how fucked up I truly am?”
“My dear Delilah, we all have scars. I know it was hard for you to open up to me. Thank you. ” He pulled me into an embrace, that made me crumble. But fuck it felt so good, to lay it all out for him, with no apologies, to feel safe enough, a beautiful release, better than any orgasm would ever feel, to let him inside of me, of my heart.
I had finally let him in… I just hope it was the right choice.
Lyrics/song- lyric Video, “Underneath by Adam Lambert.